It was last Saturday evening and I and PP bhai were wandering in the gadget section of Croma. The salesmen there have stopped entertaining us because of the weekly technical test we have been taking of them :) We bumped into one of our old friend Mishra there. “Abey Mishra, yahan kya kar raha hai? Kahan tha itne dinon se?” asked PP bhai by patting him ‘hard’ on his back. The un-stabilized Mishra adjusted his glasses – “Hey guys – TS, PP. Long time – No see man. You guys are still in India! You know - I have been in the States for the phaast (past) two years. I khame (came) back a month ago” said Mishra with an accent. We listened to his US stories and ‘safe’ Vegas ‘adventures’ for an hour and then we left.
Next week – 8pm. ♫ Tere bina zindagi se koi...(instrumental) ♫. That was my cell ringing and Mishra was on the other end. “TS, there’s a good news. I bought the ivTech man!”
Me – “ivTech…Hmm... Whats that? Oh you mean that foot massager that you were checking out at Croma. I knew you are a ‘man-of-pedicures’ :)”
Mishra - “No dude. Remember I was telling you that I am planning to buy a car. I did. Bought a Honda”
Me –“Oh my God! What you saying - You bought an Accord!!!!”
Mishra – “Nahi yaar, Honda City ivTech”
Me –“Ohh…” (That ‘Ohh’ seemed like that he had bought a Luna Moped. I hate myself why I do that!)
Mishra – “You ignorant fellow! Come down I’ll give You a drive & by the way - YOU know what You should write on your grave’s tombstone –“TS - Died dreaming of Accord!”
Me – “Hehe …! For me, unless it says “Died during a Honda City crash” anything is fine yaar :)”
Within 5 minutes Mishra was there with the shining beauty. “Kahan chalna hai TS?” asked Mishra
Me- “Arey, aaj toh Thursday hai na. Lets goto Peer baba. Eat pani-puri at kakas, pack some bhel and head to Suicide Lake. What do you say?”
Mishra –“You still goto Peer baba! Kya yaar … CCD chalte hain.Also I have heard that a new open air restaurant has opened at Aurora tower’s roof. Let’s check out that.”
Me – “Hmm...So you wanna please different kind of goddesses today :)...ok...No probs...Let’s go”.
Our entire friend group has been going to Peer baba since past 11-12 years. Every Thursday we went there on our Ranger’s, Atlas and BSA’s without fail. But now, as we all have got our way through life and no more feel the ‘need’ of it, so the ‘ritual’ has become an ‘option’ now.
So, as the Honda was crawling through the streets, I listened to Mishra as how there are no potholes in US roads. I started imagining if the roads there were having potholes and cows sitting in middle of the roads then –> Trinity’s superbike chase to escape the Agents in Matrix revolutions would have been more fun – I mean she budging the cowdung, road pits (aptly deep to do bungee jumping:) and mostly avoiding the drunk baraatis dancing to “Mera Lucky kabootar.. ♫” in Punjabi Dolby sound would have spiced up the movie :).
My day-dreaming ended when I heard Mishra blowing horn continuously as he was rattled by a group of slum kids who were riding their cycles in the middle of the road– “WTF!!! Bicycles should be banned in this country. Or else make different roads for ‘these’ people!!! ” – shouted Mishra furiously (who is also an ex-owner of – “Atlas - Aapki Shaan ki sawari” :) I tried to pacify him – “C’mon yaar, bachhe hain. Ignore them they are just kids”
So finally we reached and were seated in the open air restaurant on the 12th floor of Aurora Towers. Mishra called the waiter – “Tchh…Tchh… Yes you! Come here and clean this table! Fast!!! ” By this time Mishra’s ‘madam’ had also come there. They hugged and ‘air-kissed’ each other. Mishra laid back on his chair, outstretched his arms - looked at the vast expanse of the city lights and said – “TS - Things look so small from up here. Don’t they?” I looked down, gazed through the long stretch of the Honda City and said – “Yes they DO!!”
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Life - Shifting Gears
“Super hot girl ahead – stay cool, act cool – Be relaxed man” – This is what my brain was murmuring to me when I was entering my flight. Well, I was going to my village after 10 years and I was ecstatically happy about it. “Welcome Aboard Sir! May I know your seat number?” – The airhostess asked me. “Ahh...hmm...hmm...Ahh” (Chill man and take a deep breath, she is just a super-hot girl – came the voice again :). “Yeah, I am looking for 24F” – I said (Well, who isn’t looking for a ‘24-F’ – I thought :). So, I parked myself comfortably and I was joined by a father-son duo on the side seats.
The first hour in the flight was comfortable, until the plane was hit by a major turbulence. Everybody panicked; the Femina’s and Filmfare’s were replaced by the ‘Emergency Flight Manuals’ :). The kiddo was the first one to tighten his seatbelt. But it lasted for about 60 seconds and after that everybody was un-buckling their seatbelts. “These kids- they are so much afraid. Don’t have the courage to face anything”. – His father said to me. “Well uncle, I think - we all had our balls in our mouth. He is just honest enough to show his emotions“- I said. The kiddo gave me smile and then to his father :).
“I am Dr. Parida and that’s my son Pradyumna. We call him Praddy”- He said. I replied-“Hello Sir, I am Tarun and it’s nice to meet you”- when I was interrupted in between by lil Praddy. “So Tarun, how does this plane fly?” – I was taken aback for a second as I was never called by my name by a seven year old kid. But English language doesn’t have prefixes or suffixes of “ji or aap or Bhaiya”. And the kid was brought up in an angrez generation – So it wasn’t his fault.
After the flight, I had to take a train to get to my village. It was a three hours journey and a passenger-train was the only option!! I somehow got into the train because of my prior experience with Mumbai locals :). I saw an old lady standing for quite sometime now and I said to her – “Ammaji- aap wahan baith jao” and pointed to a seat where one lady and her son was sitting. That lady probably heard me and said to her son –“Beta, pair faila ke baitho. Nahi toh fir sham ko complain karoge ki – Mamma pair dard ho rahe hain. Be a good boy and sit comfortably” I looked in despair towards that lady. Amma-ji seeing all this said to me – “Beta, mein theek hoon. Mujhe toh aadat hai. Tu chinta matt kar.” and smiled back to me with her gleaming eyes. (Eyes of old people are always moist with a unique shine!)
So after getting off at the railway station, I was looking for a rickshaw. As I came out of station I noticed one rickshawaala bhaiya eye’s following me. I also found his face familiar. I went to him.
“Bhaiyaji, Doodhli chaloge?” - I asked
“Kiske yahan jaoge ji” – He asked me.
“Ji, Chaudhary HariRam ji ke yahan jaana hai” – I said
“Woh, aam ke baago waale Chaudhary saab?” – He asked
“Haanji, wohi” – I said (I was amazed - Everybody knows everyone in a village and here I am who still doesn’t know who all people live in my society!)
“Iss waqt vaapsi ki sawari nahi milegi bhaisaab so 12 rupaye lagenge” – He said
I had never bargained for 12 rupees so I said ok and sat in the rickshaw.
So finally I reached my home. My daadi was sitting in the porch facing backwards. I touched her feet and said – “Ram – ram, maa ! Kaisi ho?”... She turned back, adjusted her glasses and kept her hand on my head – “Arey aa gaya mera chaand saa baabu. Kitna bada ho gaya hai” :). I could see the tears in her eyes. She hugged me warmly with her wrinkly, shaking hands and said – “Beta, iss saal toh mil gayi. Agle saal milungi ya nahi pata nahi. Sada jeeta reh beta”. And the tears rolled down– but it was mutual this time.
[Respect the old and elderly people. Give them their ‘space’ – In your hearts and in your life]
The first hour in the flight was comfortable, until the plane was hit by a major turbulence. Everybody panicked; the Femina’s and Filmfare’s were replaced by the ‘Emergency Flight Manuals’ :). The kiddo was the first one to tighten his seatbelt. But it lasted for about 60 seconds and after that everybody was un-buckling their seatbelts. “These kids- they are so much afraid. Don’t have the courage to face anything”. – His father said to me. “Well uncle, I think - we all had our balls in our mouth. He is just honest enough to show his emotions“- I said. The kiddo gave me smile and then to his father :).
“I am Dr. Parida and that’s my son Pradyumna. We call him Praddy”- He said. I replied-“Hello Sir, I am Tarun and it’s nice to meet you”- when I was interrupted in between by lil Praddy. “So Tarun, how does this plane fly?” – I was taken aback for a second as I was never called by my name by a seven year old kid. But English language doesn’t have prefixes or suffixes of “ji or aap or Bhaiya”. And the kid was brought up in an angrez generation – So it wasn’t his fault.
I said - “Praddy, there is something called as Bernoulli's Principle which says...”.Again he cut me in between and said. “Why these seats are floatable? Its Mumbai-Delhi, we are not flying above any ocean”..I replied.. “But we can fall in a pond or a river” :). Praddy said – “That would be so cool” and winked at me. “Yes it’s been so long, it will give me a chance to practice my backstroke” – I said. And Little Praddy bursted into laughter :)
After the flight, I had to take a train to get to my village. It was a three hours journey and a passenger-train was the only option!! I somehow got into the train because of my prior experience with Mumbai locals :). I saw an old lady standing for quite sometime now and I said to her – “Ammaji- aap wahan baith jao” and pointed to a seat where one lady and her son was sitting. That lady probably heard me and said to her son –“Beta, pair faila ke baitho. Nahi toh fir sham ko complain karoge ki – Mamma pair dard ho rahe hain. Be a good boy and sit comfortably” I looked in despair towards that lady. Amma-ji seeing all this said to me – “Beta, mein theek hoon. Mujhe toh aadat hai. Tu chinta matt kar.” and smiled back to me with her gleaming eyes. (Eyes of old people are always moist with a unique shine!)
So after getting off at the railway station, I was looking for a rickshaw. As I came out of station I noticed one rickshawaala bhaiya eye’s following me. I also found his face familiar. I went to him.
“Bhaiyaji, Doodhli chaloge?” - I asked
“Kiske yahan jaoge ji” – He asked me.
“Ji, Chaudhary HariRam ji ke yahan jaana hai” – I said
“Woh, aam ke baago waale Chaudhary saab?” – He asked
“Haanji, wohi” – I said (I was amazed - Everybody knows everyone in a village and here I am who still doesn’t know who all people live in my society!)
“Iss waqt vaapsi ki sawari nahi milegi bhaisaab so 12 rupaye lagenge” – He said
I had never bargained for 12 rupees so I said ok and sat in the rickshaw.
So finally I reached my home. My daadi was sitting in the porch facing backwards. I touched her feet and said – “Ram – ram, maa ! Kaisi ho?”... She turned back, adjusted her glasses and kept her hand on my head – “Arey aa gaya mera chaand saa baabu. Kitna bada ho gaya hai” :). I could see the tears in her eyes. She hugged me warmly with her wrinkly, shaking hands and said – “Beta, iss saal toh mil gayi. Agle saal milungi ya nahi pata nahi. Sada jeeta reh beta”. And the tears rolled down– but it was mutual this time.
[Respect the old and elderly people. Give them their ‘space’ – In your hearts and in your life]
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
What's Your Rating ?
It was a Friday evening, the day when Levis, Lee, Pepe and other brands float around in full glory. Raj bhai and I were hanging in Infy food court. Suddenly Raj bhai said – “TS - 10’ o clock. Red top – black jeans. An 8 pointer coming your way”. Just as I was gonna testify that statement, Raj bhai interrupted – “TS don’t look!! Woh yahin dekh rahi hai!!!”And within a split second, we went into ‘Ornithologist mode’ – Raj pointing into the sky and telling me – ‘See I told you, sparrow has two wings :)’. “What a startling discovery!!” – I thought.
As the ‘twister’ (that makes certain things twist :) had changed its ‘optical path’ now – so my testimony came– “Naah yaar, she’s not an 8 pointer. I mean with those baggie jeans with stars and frills – definitely not. But her friend looks quite graceful to me”. Raj – “C’mon yaar – You mean that cross breed of Oprah and Tyrannosaurus Rex. Are you joking! Your rating system needs an up- gradation man– Come out of the ‘Greh-shobha Gharelu Ank” and walk into the ‘Cosmopolitan Era’.
As the debate was heating up – Aniket’s call came as fresh spray of deodorant. “TS, Are you busy now? I need to show you something. My folks have forwarded me a ‘PICTURE’”- he said. I asked – “Shaadi.com? Is it ?”. Aniket could barely control his excitement – “Ya man. The final ‘attachment’ of my life has come :). Come fast”
In about 57 seconds I was sitting besides Aniket. The picture was un-wrapping fold by fold from his mailbox. So – There she was. Aniket asked– “Kaisi hai yaar?” I replied – “Haan, achi hai”. Aniket said – “ Haan, Achi toh hai, but how would you rate her on scale of 10 man”. I was baffled – “What kind of sick person are you? You want me to put a value on your future wife – Do I look like Mama Shakuni to you?” Aniket – “C’mon TS – Its universal rule man – Guys financial position is important and girl’s rating. Why are you over-reacting?. Was I over-reacting? Really? – I imagined if the ‘table’ was turned around.
Scene: Dining table overloaded with dry-fruits and sweets enough for ’The Great Khali’s’ dessert for one whole month. And we have Aniket and family sitting on one side and the girl’s side on other side. Aniket folk’s say-“Ji Ladki, kitni padhi-likhi hai?”
An elderly person from the girl’s side replied – “Ji woh toh baad kii baat hai. Yeh bataiye ki - Ladke kii rating kya hai?”. Aniket ‘s eyes split wide and mouth open – seemed as he was bowled over by Muralidharan’s doosra. The elderly person continued - “Isme itni hairaani kii kaun si baat hai. Hamari ladki 9 pointer hai. We even have proof for it. Fair and Lovely comes with a meter now – Jao Beti – Fairness meter le aao. Damaad ji kii rating karni hai.”
As Aniket’s family stood up because of the humiliation – Enters a middle-aged chain smoker who is ‘teaching’ the country nowdays that – The non-fair part of the society belongs to hideous and non-attractive category. With a ciggie fag on his lips he says – “Aniket – Don’t worry. Take this Fair and Handsome. And it comes with a fairness meter too. Aur fir yeh Sattar minutes... oops Yeh Chaar hafte tumse koi nahi cheen sakta. Ragad daalo yeh cream – aur fir dekho tumhaari rating, tumse khuda bhi nahi maang sakta. !!!”. And the room is filled with silence.
[Samaaj mein faili ek aur kureeti ko mitaane ke liye ek choti si pehel. Because i feel that words like – “Inner beauty” have become synonyms to – “Mother Teressa” or “World Peace” – which are used only by beauty pageant contestants to win the outer beauty titles. So, next time before you judge a person – Look into your inner self and your inner soul – And then decide – WHAT IS ‘YOUR’ RATING?]
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Third Occupant !
“♫... Manwanchit phal paawe , kasht mite tann ka...Om jai jadgish... ♪ ” – It was navraatri time and we were just finishing the aarti, when the vaanar-sena started howling at my door. “I have to go” – I said to my mother. “First finish the aarti then you can go” – she replied. So, after taking the ‘dhoop’ from the ‘Akhand Jyot’ (The one that burns for whole nine days of navraatri continuously and mummy has been keeping it since last 21 years on every navraatri) I left.
I opened the door; all my building kids were shouting and running around. “Bhaiya, jaldi chalo- Dandiya shuru hone wala hai” – said little Manpreet .His sister Gurpreet whispered from the back – “Bhaiya toh gunde lag rahe hain iss dress mein” And all of them started smiling .Actually I was wearing white kurta-paijaama with a big red tilak on my forehead. Suddenly weather-alarm start ringing in my head– “Fisherman refrain from going into the sea without proper nets and bait. Some ‘fishes’ might escape :)”.
So, I asked the kids to wait for 5 minutes as I have to make an ‘important official call’ .And, I came out dressed in blue jeans and white shirt...;) Me- “Lets go, baccha-party” ...As we were about to leave – little Gurpreet started humming the song “♫ Ishq hotaa nahi sabhi ke liye .... ♫”... And all of them went nuts hearing it and rolled on the floor laughing ...I also couldn’t control my smile ...“Bhaiya, Your imparted quick-wit lessons are backfiring on you” - said Manpreet. I had surrendered myself to the kids this time.
Just while getting down the stairs my cell started ringing and it showed “Kanghi Chor – Calling” (long story behind that name :) . I picked up – “Haan bol” ..(This is how cool guys say stuff like– Hi-How are you-I am fine –Thank you) . He said – “TS, I need my R.S.Aggarwal book right now. My brother’s campus interview is tomorrow” ... “Urgent hai kya?” – I asked ...”Haan yaar, abhi chaiye” – he replied. The kids were waiting for me downstairs. But this was also urgent -”Theek hai, mein aata hoon”
“Mummy, I’ll be back in 10 minutes. I m taking the bike” – I shouted while leaving the house.... “Beta, helmet le ke jaana” – said mummy- to which I replied “Hmmm” and left just like that! [When children start ‘hearing’ their parents instead of ‘listening’ to them- They are grown up!!!]
So I took off in a rush so as to return quickly to bang the sticks together asap. The street lights were dim and the road was in bad condition due to rains. At one of the turnings I still don’t know how it happened, but 10 seconds later – my shattered bike was lying in a road side trench and all my clothes were covered with blood. The bike had slipped in a big crater inside the road and I was dragged all along. Some nearby residing people came to help me. One murmured – “This spot is getting dangerous. Yesterday one biker also fell here. His thigh bone was fractured and got 9 stitches in his head”. Another one asked me - “Bhaiya , dekho zyada toh nahi lagi na ?”
I did a little MJ break-dance steps – “Bones- CHECKED” ... Next was (a3+b3) =(a+b)(a2 – ab + b2) – “Brain – CHECKED” :) ...Little relieved but I was bleeding profusely so I called my friend Ashu – “Yaar, mera chhota sa accident ho gaya hai ..Come at the chowk and get some money along”. Just afer that call, I got a call from home. It was mom – “Tu theek toh hai na?” She asked directly. I was taken aback for one second – I mean -Howcome? How!!?? ..But I replied – “Haan mein theek hoon , aata hoon 10 min mein”. So after the dressing was done - my friends took me home.
As mom saw me in that state, ‘lecture’ started :( .But I was still amazed by that phone call and asked mom for explanation. She took me to the pooja room. And she pointed towards the ‘Akhand Jyot’ – She showed me the black spots on the brass metallic diya caused due to sudden outburst of the flame and when she touched the diya to adjust the flame - it was ice-cold (And it was burning since last 7 days).I also touched the diya – It was still ice-cold and the chill shook my spine. My eyes went moist and I realised that all this while I thought only me and my mother stayed in our home. But I was mistaken - There was she – The Third occupant! Jai Maata Dii !
I opened the door; all my building kids were shouting and running around. “Bhaiya, jaldi chalo- Dandiya shuru hone wala hai” – said little Manpreet .His sister Gurpreet whispered from the back – “Bhaiya toh gunde lag rahe hain iss dress mein” And all of them started smiling .Actually I was wearing white kurta-paijaama with a big red tilak on my forehead. Suddenly weather-alarm start ringing in my head– “Fisherman refrain from going into the sea without proper nets and bait. Some ‘fishes’ might escape :)”.
So, I asked the kids to wait for 5 minutes as I have to make an ‘important official call’ .And, I came out dressed in blue jeans and white shirt...;) Me- “Lets go, baccha-party” ...As we were about to leave – little Gurpreet started humming the song “♫ Ishq hotaa nahi sabhi ke liye .... ♫”... And all of them went nuts hearing it and rolled on the floor laughing ...I also couldn’t control my smile ...“Bhaiya, Your imparted quick-wit lessons are backfiring on you” - said Manpreet. I had surrendered myself to the kids this time.
Just while getting down the stairs my cell started ringing and it showed “Kanghi Chor – Calling” (long story behind that name :) . I picked up – “Haan bol” ..(This is how cool guys say stuff like– Hi-How are you-I am fine –Thank you) . He said – “TS, I need my R.S.Aggarwal book right now. My brother’s campus interview is tomorrow” ... “Urgent hai kya?” – I asked ...”Haan yaar, abhi chaiye” – he replied. The kids were waiting for me downstairs. But this was also urgent -”Theek hai, mein aata hoon”
“Mummy, I’ll be back in 10 minutes. I m taking the bike” – I shouted while leaving the house.... “Beta, helmet le ke jaana” – said mummy- to which I replied “Hmmm” and left just like that! [When children start ‘hearing’ their parents instead of ‘listening’ to them- They are grown up!!!]
So I took off in a rush so as to return quickly to bang the sticks together asap. The street lights were dim and the road was in bad condition due to rains. At one of the turnings I still don’t know how it happened, but 10 seconds later – my shattered bike was lying in a road side trench and all my clothes were covered with blood. The bike had slipped in a big crater inside the road and I was dragged all along. Some nearby residing people came to help me. One murmured – “This spot is getting dangerous. Yesterday one biker also fell here. His thigh bone was fractured and got 9 stitches in his head”. Another one asked me - “Bhaiya , dekho zyada toh nahi lagi na ?”
I did a little MJ break-dance steps – “Bones- CHECKED” ... Next was (a3+b3) =(a+b)(a2 – ab + b2) – “Brain – CHECKED” :) ...Little relieved but I was bleeding profusely so I called my friend Ashu – “Yaar, mera chhota sa accident ho gaya hai ..Come at the chowk and get some money along”. Just afer that call, I got a call from home. It was mom – “Tu theek toh hai na?” She asked directly. I was taken aback for one second – I mean -Howcome? How!!?? ..But I replied – “Haan mein theek hoon , aata hoon 10 min mein”. So after the dressing was done - my friends took me home.
As mom saw me in that state, ‘lecture’ started :( .But I was still amazed by that phone call and asked mom for explanation. She took me to the pooja room. And she pointed towards the ‘Akhand Jyot’ – She showed me the black spots on the brass metallic diya caused due to sudden outburst of the flame and when she touched the diya to adjust the flame - it was ice-cold (And it was burning since last 7 days).I also touched the diya – It was still ice-cold and the chill shook my spine. My eyes went moist and I realised that all this while I thought only me and my mother stayed in our home. But I was mistaken - There was she – The Third occupant! Jai Maata Dii !
Sunday, March 29, 2009
OMG !! She needs loving and caring !
From: AniketSrivastava.06xx@gmail.com
Subject: Kaisi hai tumhaari bhabhi?
1 Attachment (s): “Rating-8/10.jpg”
Message: “Check out her profile and let me know your take on it.” -Aniket.
This was the mail sent by Aniket to me. The attachment had the screen-shot of an orkut profile of a girl named Deepti Srivastava. Aniket had distinctly market her location with Red Oval (Four months of bench has made my friend the master of all sophisticated tools like – Paintbrush, Notepad and calculator :). As the matter had involved the usage of Paintbrush i knew Aniket was serious about her. So, as the investigation began – one line caught my attention & i replied to Aniket.
“Abort the mission and report to base. Roger that Soldier. We have got a broken arrow. I REPEAT – Extreme turbulence expected – Return to base NOW!!!”
Just one sec after i hit the “Send” button - “♫ .Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwaaaa toh nahiiiii .... ♫ – Oops my cell is ringing. Aniket was on the line – “Whats with this reply TS!!... Didnt u noticed -She is from Kanpur – so am I. She is also a ‘Kayastha’ Brahmin. She will be lucky to have me yaar!! “
“Kayashtha Brahmin - Is it? Really !! You are a ‘Kamina’ Brahmin!!! The person who can’t ‘go’ in the morning unless he sucks onto a cigarette butt. Who dips chicken pieces in whiskey before eating because you like ‘drunk-chicks’!! .And the paijaama-faad dance that you do when you achieve nirvana after drinking...” – My temper suddenly shot up.
Aniket - “TS plz rukk jaa yaar – Itni beizzati kaafi hai aaj ke liye. Tu toh dil pe le leta hai yaar. You know’ i love you’ man!!”
Aniket had used the “143 protocol” without being drunk. I could figure out he was getting senti.
“Acha problem kya hai yaar – woh bata tu mujhe?” – Asked Aniket
I replied - “Didn’t u noticed in her profile? Under Ideal match she has written “He should be loving and caring”
“Is there any problem with that?” – Asked Aniket
“Oh man!! You are a rookie – Let me explain it to you . Imagine – You are married to her. You are all ‘loving and caring’. Suddenly one fine (!!) day- You are in a shopping mall – You have got shopping bags in one hand. Pulling trolleys from the other hand. Little Teelu is hanging around your neck. And Teelu just had a ‘operation yellow storm’. :) You are fighting with the traumatizing winds of sulphur Teelu is creating. Meanwhile she is also in a big dilemma – she is not able to decide whether to buy ‘Recova’ or ‘Olay’ to cover her black goley(circles) :). Just then you notice- Teelu’s left shoe’s lace is open. You say – “Darling –Can u please look at Teelu’s shoe” . “Thud” ...”Thud”... (Noises of recova and Olay being hammered to the shelves)... As u see her approaching towards you – Teelu also lets his flood-gate open... And you are covered with nitrogenous nutrients now ...She shouts– “You couldn’t take care of one little thing. You are NOT that LOVING and CARING anymore!!!!” :)
[Pun and Sarcasm intended :) - Btw I m also looking out – And she should be loving and caring ;-)]
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Throttling My failure
May 2004: 6 AM – (Phone ringing) I was in deep sleep but still picked up the phone. That was my father calling from Srinagar (as he was posted there). |
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Solution To Hairfall - Marriage !!
“Tensile strength should be divided with or multiplied with Young’s modulus-- keeping elasticity as variable ....Hmmm ..TS, You are too late for physics.!!! ?!?!” – This is what my mind was thinking when Sisodia Auntyji was sitting on the couch at my home. I was trying to calculate the time required by her to rupture the poor sofa apart. By the way, people who do not know Sisodia Auntyji – she is 56-54-56. I guess this description is ‘big’ enough.:)
My friend Vipin was there at my place too. So, as the conversation struck, Vipin consulted – “Auntyji, baal kaafi gir rahe hain aajkal. Koi upaay batao?”
“Beta,jaldi shaadi karlo warna problem ho jayegi. Abb toh halwaai ki kadhai chadwao aur shehnaai bajwaa do beta” – replied Auntyji !...."What the hell is happening – For all the bachelors – they have a common solution for all their problems" - Vipin mumbled to me. But as I think now, I found this answer quite relevant in what I see in my daily life.
Weekdays : 7AM - I am standing on the bus stop for the office bus to come, listening to the sweetest girl on the planet – RJ Gya on radio-one. And I see lot of young girls, jogging and doing brisk morning walk. All these r in 24-25 age group. The other category is of 50+ age oldies. The oldies I can understand are greasing and oiling their crank shafts. The young girls - Perhaps sitting on marriage time bomb so wanna be perfect before the D-day. But very less people in age group of 30-40!! My point is that after marriage, many of us don’t feel the need to be ‘visually lookable’ anymore – Baal gir rahe hain then what – i don’t need them anymore. They have already solved their purpose by getting me my wifey!!!
Future FLASH : Year 2035 – I m driving my Black Honda Accord - lost in thoughts , listening to a powerful, deeply-meaningful , soul-stirring song ...”Tak.tana.nana...Tandoori nights... Tandoori nights.... Tandoori nights...” :) ... Suddenly I m surrounded by Police cars all around me. Officer on the siren is shouting – “This is FIA (Fitness Investigative Agency) - TS get out of the car now. Put your hands on your head. You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent”. I came out of the car, with my shivering voice i asked– “What I have done officer?”... Officer Smith-“You have been charged for developing that XXXL sized bean bag on your tummy.” ... Suddenly my face lits up with a wicked smile ...I burst with laughter - “Haha...hahha... I got you officer Smith ...I got'ya”.... And I point my fingers towards my car ...The side mirror slides down and the camera zooms onto my WIFE sitting inside the car ...“You see officer Smith, do u see that – I m married. I don’t need to be slim anymore. And also, i m loosing my hair too but I won’t care for them – I’ll be a fat-bald moron. . You see, I have got the license for it. Do you have a problem with that? DO YOU ??"
[Saamaaj mein faili ek kureeti ko mitaane ke liye , meri ek chhoti se pehel :-) ]
My friend Vipin was there at my place too. So, as the conversation struck, Vipin consulted – “Auntyji, baal kaafi gir rahe hain aajkal. Koi upaay batao?”
“Beta,jaldi shaadi karlo warna problem ho jayegi. Abb toh halwaai ki kadhai chadwao aur shehnaai bajwaa do beta” – replied Auntyji !...."What the hell is happening – For all the bachelors – they have a common solution for all their problems" - Vipin mumbled to me. But as I think now, I found this answer quite relevant in what I see in my daily life.
Weekdays : 7AM - I am standing on the bus stop for the office bus to come, listening to the sweetest girl on the planet – RJ Gya on radio-one. And I see lot of young girls, jogging and doing brisk morning walk. All these r in 24-25 age group. The other category is of 50+ age oldies. The oldies I can understand are greasing and oiling their crank shafts. The young girls - Perhaps sitting on marriage time bomb so wanna be perfect before the D-day. But very less people in age group of 30-40!! My point is that after marriage, many of us don’t feel the need to be ‘visually lookable’ anymore – Baal gir rahe hain then what – i don’t need them anymore. They have already solved their purpose by getting me my wifey!!!
Future FLASH : Year 2035 – I m driving my Black Honda Accord - lost in thoughts , listening to a powerful, deeply-meaningful , soul-stirring song ...”Tak.tana.nana...Tandoori nights... Tandoori nights.... Tandoori nights...” :) ... Suddenly I m surrounded by Police cars all around me. Officer on the siren is shouting – “This is FIA (Fitness Investigative Agency) - TS get out of the car now. Put your hands on your head. You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent”. I came out of the car, with my shivering voice i asked– “What I have done officer?”... Officer Smith-“You have been charged for developing that XXXL sized bean bag on your tummy.” ... Suddenly my face lits up with a wicked smile ...I burst with laughter - “Haha...hahha... I got you officer Smith ...I got'ya”.... And I point my fingers towards my car ...The side mirror slides down and the camera zooms onto my WIFE sitting inside the car ...“You see officer Smith, do u see that – I m married. I don’t need to be slim anymore. And also, i m loosing my hair too but I won’t care for them – I’ll be a fat-bald moron. . You see, I have got the license for it. Do you have a problem with that? DO YOU ??"
[Saamaaj mein faili ek kureeti ko mitaane ke liye , meri ek chhoti se pehel :-) ]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)